Eastern Conference: Because we were the Original Six.
Penguins:
Oh
man, look at that Crosby, rocking that face mask and making hat tricks look
easy! He was gone for a while but our captain has returned! It’s a blessing
from the hockey gods! We dominated the Eastern Conference with all our talent,
and we’re looking to get back into the finals after falling behind the past
three years…Now if only Fleury could stop acting like Swiss cheese and be that 2009
Stanley Cup champ we remember.
Bruins:
Someone
poked the bear last season and we’re looking for revenge this year. Too bad
someone already took out the Canucks for us, but there’s still some mauling to
be had. We have a giant! We have a goalie killer! And we have a midget that’s
the center of all hatred in the East! Ahhh, we thrive in this hatred! Let our
young blue line grow into the demons we want them to be. And give us back the Cup
while you’re at it! The Boston Strong deserve their names re-written on Lord
Stanley!
Rangers:
Oh
please just give us the Cup before Tortorella murders every player on the team
in a fit of rage. Jeez, we can hear his aneurysm bursting from here! Oh hockey gods
please save us! The King, and all his handsomeness, doesn’t deserve to die like
this! Oh god!! The horror!! The American colors are under the influence of
Soviet fury! S.O.T.: Save Our Team!
Senators:
“Pesky
is so sexy” is our new catch phrase! Pesky, pesky, pesky Sens. Down but not
out, we came back from injuries on our top players and still made the playoffs!
Now they’re all back and we’re sure to dominate! Anderson – down a tooth – is making
more saves than a lifeguard, Karlsson’s flow is keep the team going, and Spezza’s
laugh has finally returned to the locker room! Feel the joy! This is definitely
our year, and our peskiness isn’t going to go away without the Cup.
Western Conference: Because we all love that largely ignored
part of the NHL.
Blackhawks:
Oh
c’mon! We’re a sure winner of the Cup this year! I mean, look at our point
streak at the start of the season! That broke records! Lockout? What lockout?
We came into this half-season and decided to take back control to make up for
the past two year blunders. We’re the top team in the league and we plan to
keep it that way! Our kids have grown up and they’re thirsty for more…beer out
of the Cup that is – yes Kaner, I’m looking at you. Lord Stanley is waiting to
come back to Chicago and feel the breeze!
Kings:
The
Stanley Cup Champs are looking for a repeat! We didn’t have it for years and
just want to bask in the glory of back-to-back wins! Look, our name is the
KINGS! We’re destined to win it
again! C’mon we’ll treat Stanley well, and take full liberty of the chirping rights
it gives us – seriously, check out our Twitter. Besides, Brown needs to check
out his teeth in that mirror…man he really needs to floss.
Sharks:
It’s
a feed frenzy for glory! Swept the hated Canucks and we’re hungry for more
blood. I hear metal tastes like blood, and that just gives us more reason to
sink our teeth into the finals! We haven’t had a taste yet, but we’re sniffing
out Mr. Stanley, and our offense is going to find him as quickly as they find
the net!
Red Wings:
The
home of legends is looking to restore their former glory! We may have barely
sneaked into the playoffs, but none of that matters anymore. Our playoff streak
is older than half the teams in our Conference! And with all those playoff
entrances, we’re sure to win the Cup again this year! Let’s show those kids who’s
boss and bring back Stanley for our new Captain so everyone can apologize for
doubting him earlier this season. Because it’s the Cup, and because we’re
Hockey Town.
It’s going to be a fight to the finish
and no one’s giving up yet. While some teams look for a repeat of history, or
even a repeat of last year, others are looking for their first taste of glory.
In hockey we all know, it’s not over until it’s over, so don’t you count anyone
out yet. Anything’s possible, and everyone’s looking for bragging rights.
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